Supporting young people to leave school

There’s a lot of pressure on teenagers at this stage, and they may feel that the decisions they make now will define them for the rest of their lives. So you could reassure them that although the decisions they make now are important, they can always change their mind later. Adults can go back to college, change jobs, retrain or start businesses at any time in their lives.

Some options, like college, university or apprenticeships, have deadlines and your teen may need to apply several months before they leave school. So it’s a good idea to start having chats with your child about what they want to do in the future sooner rather than later.

That said, it’s never too late! If they’ve missed any deadlines this year, there’s always next year, and they could use the time to get some work experience or volunteer. Plus, many colleges offer courses online or with flexible start dates. Our page on options has more information.

Your teen may have a fixed idea about what they want to do. Or they may have lots of ideas and be unsure which to follow up. Or they may have no idea at all! Whatever stage they’re at, you can support them by listening to what they have to say and taking their ideas seriously. Just talking things through and looking at the pros and cons may help them make decisions. 

Thinking about what they like doing and what they’re good at is the first step to working out what they want to do. And whether they’re applying for a course or a job, they’ll need to fill in application forms or put together a CV that really ‘sells’ them. So it can help if you sit down together and make a list of all the things they’re good at. This could be:

• academic achievements
• practical skills (like driving, cooking or computer skills)
• organisational skills like time keeping, planning and prioritising
• personal qualities like being persuasive or making other people feel at ease. 

They could use the Strengths quiz on the My World of Work website to help.

It may help to make a list of things they’ve done in the past that they’re proud of and then think about what that shows about them. Things like being part of sports team, taking part in a school play or fundraising for a charity can show that they know how to show up and work consistently at something, or are good at teamwork, communicating or planning their time. They could use the Achievements tool on the My World of Work website to help with this.

Reminding them of their strengths will also help boost their self-esteem, so they feel more confident that they’ve got this.

My World of Work has lots of information on different paths available to school leavers, including tools and quizzes to help young people work out their strengths and learn more about different options. Your teen can also talk to the Skills Development Scotland careers adviser at their school for expert advice and guidance – they can find out more about how an adviser can help them on the My World of Work website.

There are also ways your teen can test out things they might like to do. For example, they could:

• attend a college or university open day, or chat to other students on the UCAS website
• volunteer or find work experience in fields they’re interested in
• attend career or job fairs where they can chat to companies and organisations about working in different sectors.

Our page on options for young people leaving school has lots more information and links to organisations that can help them explore their next steps.

If your teen is very down on themselves, they may feel that there’s no point applying for a course, apprenticeship or job. But there are lots of things you can do to help boost their self-esteem, like practising being confident and assertive and breaking down big goals into small, achievable steps. You can find more tips to help young people build self-esteem here and on the Mind website.

Leaving school is a big step for young people, and they may feel a bit like a rabbit caught in headlights, not sure which way to move. So they may decide not to make any moves at all, which can be frustrating for parents! 

Try and stay calm and resist the urge to lecture them or issue ultimatums. Instead, help them break down what they need to do to move on into small, manageable steps and keep encouraging them to tick these goals off one by one.

If they seem content living rent free at home without studying or looking for a job, you may want to think about assigning them more chores and cutting down on things you do for them, like laundry and cooking. This might spur them on to make a move!

If you’re concerned that they’re struggling with the changes and that the transition may be affecting their mental health, there’s lots of support out there for your teen and for you. Our pages on helping teens with anxiety and supporting teens with low mood and depression have advice to help. 

What do you want to do with the rest of your life? That’s a huge question to face as a teenager – or at any age! So instead help them break things down so it all feels less scary. For example, they could start by:

• making a list of their strengths
• researching courses, training or jobs that appeal to them and match their strengths
• looking at college, UCAS or job application forms to see what information is required
• identifying any gaps that they could fill with volunteering or work experience
• chatting to the Skills Development Scotland career adviser at their school.

They can then move on to things like applying for courses or jobs and practising for interviews.

Relaxing, doing something they enjoy and spending time with friends can all boost your teen’s confidence and help them feel better about themselves. So even though there’s a lot going on, encourage them to take some time out.

Doing things they enjoy (like sport, music or drama) may also help them work out what they want to do in the future, or help them develop valuable skills like teamwork, communication and time management.

You could suggest they look at YoungMind’s guide to self-care, which has lots of tips to help young people boost their mental health.

Moving away from school and into the world is scary and your teen may well be worried about it. This is totally normal, but if anxiety is stopping them from making decisions or taking their next steps, there are things you can both do to help them feel less anxious, including talking to your GP. Our page on helping teens with anxiety has lots of tips. 

Nobody likes being rejected, but teens can feel rejection even more keenly than older adults. So things like not getting the grades they wanted, not getting onto a course or being turned down for their dream job can seem like the end of the world. But they’re really not – there are lots of different paths into the worlds of further education and work.

At first, the best thing you can do is sympathise and be there for them with a hug. Remind them not to take it personally – it’s not because they’re not good enough, the timing just wasn’t right. 

Once they’ve calmed down, you can help them turn rejection into something more positive by looking at what they can learn from it. For example, are there certain skills they can work on? Things they can do differently next time? 

You can then look at other ways to achieve their goals, like resitting exams, applying to other courses or going through clearing (our page on results and the future has more on this), applying for an apprenticeship, volunteering to get more experience or applying for other jobs.

This article on BBC Bitesize has more advice for teens on dealing with rejection and turning it into something positive.