Your child's first phone

If you want your child to have a phone so they can keep in touch with you, you could consider getting them a basic phone that can do calls and texts but doesn’t connect to the internet. This is a good way of introducing them to the responsibility of having a phone, and will help them feel more independent. It’s much cheaper than a smartphone and will give them a chance to show you that they can look after it.

If you have an old smartphone you don’t use anymore, you could also change the settings so your child can’t use it to go online.

If they need to go online for schoolwork or to keep in touch with friends and family, they could use a shared family device that you keep in the kitchen or living room. 

You can find out more about basic phones and how to convert smartphones to basic phones on the Internet Matters website.

As they get older, you can consider ‘upgrading’ them to a smartphone with parental controls. 

Before you hand your child a phone, it’s a good idea to set rules around when they can and can’t use it and what they can use it for. For example, you could:

• ban phones during mealtimes and in their bedroom at night
• allow them to look things up online but not use social media
• make a rule that you can check their phone every so often, or that you’ll use parental controls or apps to keep tabs on them.

As they grow up you can review these rules and allow them to make more of their own choices, once they’ve shown they can use the phone responsibly. 

Our page on setting boundaries for using mobiles and other devices has tips to help with this. You can also download a family internet usage agreement from the Internet Matters website.

If they’re not ready to understand the dangers of having a smartphone (like cyberbullying, seeing inappropriate content and being targeted by scammers) they’re probably not old enough to have one with internet access. You can find out more about talking to your child about online safety and online dangers here.

Similarly, they need to understand how to use their phone responsibly. So for example you could talk to them about:

• only sharing or posting images, videos or text that they’d be happy for anyone to see – once it’s out there, it’s almost impossible to get it back
• not sharing images or video of other people without their consent
• being kind online
• getting a good balance between being on their phone and doing other things (our guide to screen time has more advice about this)
• looking after their phone properly so they don’t damage or lose it – phones are expensive!

If you decide your child is ready for a smartphone, then parental controls are your friend. You can set controls on your child’s device, via their mobile network and within the apps they use. For example, you can:

• block apps you don’t want them to access
• restrict the websites they can look at
• prevent them from downloading apps without your permission
• make their profiles on any social media or gaming platforms they use private. 

The Internet Matters website has step-by-step guides on how to manage parental controls. But even with parental controls in place, it’s important to chat to your child about what they do online, and make sure they’re aware of the pitfalls, like scams and inappropriate content. 

Some parental controls allow you to access what your child is doing online and to track their location. There are also apps you can use to monitor what your child is doing on their phone. It’s up to you whether you want to use these controls and apps or not – the main thing is to let your child know, so they won’t think you’re ‘spying’ on them without their knowledge. 

As they grow up you can start gradually lifting the controls so they can learn to take responsibility for what they’re doing online themselves.

It’s important that your child knows that if anything goes wrong – for example, if they see something inappropriate, are contacted by a stranger or post something they regret – they can always come to you and you’ll help them sort it out. 

It’ll help if you promise them you won’t take their phone away – many kids don’t tell their parents when things go wrong because they’re afraid of losing their phones. 

Our page on what to do if your child has a negative experience online has advice for supporting them and reporting inappropriate content.

It’s really important to keep talking to your child about what they do online and showing an interest in what they’re up to – whether that’s what games they’re playing, what videos they’re watching, who they’re talking to and what they’re talking about or sharing. The more they feel they can talk to you about their online world, the more likely they’ll be able to come to you if anything goes wrong.