Fussy eating if your child is neurodivergent

Keeping a note of everything your child eats is a great way of checking whether they’re getting a balanced diet. You may actually find they’re eating more and getting more variety than you think! 

It can also help you work out if there’s a reason for their fussy eating. For example, do they usually eat their breakfast but not their dinner? Perhaps they’re tired by the evening, so you could make dinner earlier. Or they prefer cereal with milk to more chewy foods, so you could serve more soups and stews. Or maybe they like food served in a particular bowl? Or prefer plastic to metal cutlery? Or don’t like it when different foods touch on their plate?

Check there aren’t any medical reasons why your child doesn’t like eating. For example, is their tummy sore, do they have mouth ulcers, or do their teeth hurt? They may not like it but it’s important to get regular check-ups at the dentist to make sure everything is okay. Childsmile has advice on toothbrushing if your child has additional support needs and the National Autistic Society has information to help with dentist visits here. If chewing, swallowing or eating seems painful, you should contact your GP.

Try and eat at roughly the same time every day, so your child knows when to expect breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. Try and stick to this routine even if you’re out and about – for example, if your child usually has an apple at 11am, make sure you always have an apple in your bag. It may also help to use the same plates, bowls and cutlery for every meal, especially if you find some your child really likes.

Pictures are a great way to help your child feel more comfortable about food and eating. For example, you could use pictures to create menus for the week, so your child knows what they’ll be eating and when. Try to show the food as it’ll look when you give it to them (more or less!). For example, if you’re giving them banana bread, show them a picture of this, not a banana in its skin. You could use our meal planner to help with this. 

You could also try showing your child a food group diagram like the Eatwell chart, and explain that they need to eat something from each group every day. They may enjoy ticking off what they’ve eaten, or adding a sticker to a chart.

Try not to use unhealthier foods like chocolate as a reward for eating healthy foods, as this just reinforces their belief that vegetables are horrible and chocolate is delicious! Instead you could use stickers or extra play time as a reward. It’s also good to reward them for trying new foods, even if they don’t finish them. 

If your child loves space or dinosaurs or My Little Pony, you could use this to your advantage. Try cutting food into star shapes, explaining that Triceratops and Stegosaurus lived on vegetables, or serving their food on plates with pictures of their favourite characters. You could also use stickers based around their interests as rewards for trying new foods.

If there’s something they’ll definitely eat, try introducing them to foods with similar textures, smells or tastes. For example, if they like mashed potato you could try them with mashed sweet potato or swede. If they like crisps you could try them on other crunchy foods, like crackers or raw carrots. If they don’t like chewy foods you could try mincing or puréeing them until they get used to the taste.

It can make things less stressful for your child if you give them the chance to explore new foods before they appear on their plate. For example, you could look at fruit and veg in the supermarket – you could even pick it up and sniff it! Or you could look at pictures of recipes together. 

You could also introduce a small amount of a new food at snack time, along with something you know they like to eat, so there’s no pressure to eat it if they don’t want to.

Asking your child to describe what they’re eating can give them something to focus on. For example you could ask them to tell you 5 things about the food. What colour is it? Is it hard or soft? Hot, cold or tingly? This can also give you clues about what they like and dislike about different foods.

Don’t worry about eating things at the ‘right’ time of day. If your child wants pasta for breakfast and cereal for dinner, why not?

Experts say that you may have to offer your child unfamiliar vegetables up to 10 times before they'll give them a go. For neurodivergent children, this can be even more! So take things slowly and don’t force them to eat anything they don’t want to. 

You might start by putting a new food on their plate, or on a separate plate, but saying they don’t have to eat it if they don’t want it. Next time you could encourage them to sniff or lick it – or even give it a kiss goodbye! Eventually, maybe they’ll nibble a little bit. At each stage, praise them and maybe reward them with a sticker.

If they don’t like orange juice with bits in, or apple slices with peel on, or carrots cut into discs instead of batons, does it really matter? If you find there are some things that really help, like keeping the different foods on their plate separate or cutting things into certain shapes, just go with it! The important thing is to make sure they’re getting a balance of the foods they need.

Easier said than done if they’re refusing to eat anything on their plate! But getting wound up or shouting will only make mealtimes more stressful and your child more anxious about eating. Why not start the meal doing a few breathing exercises together, so you both feel calm and grounded? Childline’s Calm Zone has some things you can try. 

If you feel yourself getting frustrated, try to take some deep breaths and let it go. Our page on keeping calm with your child has tips to help with this.