Tips for dads and partners if your baby is in a neonatal unit

Ask questions – even ones you think sound silly – and don't be afraid to ask the same questions more than once. You could make a list of things you want to ask, like: What medication is my baby on? What breathing support do they need and why? You could take notes, to make it easier to remember what's happening.

The nurses and doctors in the neonatal unit know what's best for your baby, and trying to find answers online may just add to your worries. 

Having a baby or babies in neonatal care can be draining and hard, but try to stay positive, and to celebrate the milestones as they come, however small they may seem.

It may feel hard to get close to your baby if they're in an incubator, wired up to machines. But there are lots of things you can do to bond, including reading or singing to them and touching them gently. If you need some nursery rhyme inspiration you can check out the Bookbug Song and Rhyme Library – but your baby will be just as happy with Oasis or Metallica! They just want to hear your voice.

If your baby is able to come out of the incubator for skin-to-skin cuddles, this is a wonderful way to bond. The neonatal nurses will help you do this safely. 

You can find out more about the brilliant benefits of skin-to-skin on the Father's Network Scotland website.

Friends and family will want to know what's going on but may be worried about disturbing you at this difficult time. If you like, you could set up a WhatsApp or Facebook group to keep everyone in the loop. Seeing their messages of love and support may help you and your partner feel less alone.

Family and friends will also want to help so take advantage of this and arrange for them to chip in with childcare, lifts to the hospital and anything at home that needs dealt with.

It's totally natural to be struggling at a time like this, and you may find it easier to stay positive if you can pour out your worries to someone else. This could be a friend or family member, or someone from a support organisation like Bliss or Tommy's. Our page on help and support has more advice and links to organisations that can support you both.

Chances are your own wellbeing will be way down your list of priorities. But you can't support your partner and baby if you're exhausted and burnt out. So try to eat healthily and ensure your partner eats healthily too, and try to make sure you both get some fresh air and enough sleep. This will help keep your energy levels up.

Friends and family could help here too, providing healthy snacks or meals or offering to sit with your baby for a few hours.

You can read stories from dads whose babies have needed neonatal care on the Bliss website.